Fear of Sexual Intercourse

Fear of Sexual Intercourse / Fear of Coitus
Fear of sexual intercourse or fear to engage in sexual intercourse is one of the most common problems seen among newly married couples. Among lay men fear to engage in sexual contact or fear of sexual intercourse is also known as fear of penetration, fear of coitus, fear of sexual contact, fear of sex etc. Mostly women suffer from fear of sexual intercourse, although a few men do experience this fear of sexual intercourse. Some women are even scared to touch their own genital area. Fear of sexual intercourse is one of the major causes of unconsummated marriage and there by preventing a pregnancy and delivary. In many cases fear of sexual contact is identified only when the couple consult a Gynecologist for seeking infetility treatment. Gynecologists often find it difficult to deal with the patients with fear of sexual intercourse, as many of them don’t even cooperate for the routine gynecological examination. A few doctors consider patients with severe fear of sexual intercourse as a nuisance and try to get rid of them either by giving statements like “There is nothing wrong with you”, “Everything is normal”, “Your problem is due to tension”, “It is psychological” etc or by referring to a psychiatrist. Women, despite their age or education may experience fear to engage in sexual contact. Usually couples ignore fear of sexual intercourse with a view that it may spontaneously recover within a few days. If the intensity of the fear to engage in sexual contact is too high it is unlikely to recover without treatment.

It was believed that women develop fear to engage in sexual contact due to past sexual traumas like abuse, rape, highly orthodox and punitive family atmosphere etc. But, our research at Dr. Promodu’s Institute shows that these factors are very uncommon. Instead factors like hearing stories of painful sexual contact, first night traumas etc. are the common causes leading to fear of sexual contact. Such factors do not affect all women but only those who are generally anxious by nature are more vulnerable to such fears. One of the commonest clinical condition in which fear of sexual contact is the cardinal symptom is vaginsmus. Vaginsmus is a treatable and fully curable condition. The most effective treatment method is couple sex therapy. 

Common symptoms:

• Fear of pain at the attempt of sexual intercourse
• Fear of pain during sexual intercourse
• Fear even at the thought of sexual intercourse
• Fear to engage in sexual contact.
• Fear of injury or bleeding during sexual intercourse
• Fear may increase towards the evening and as the darkness progresses
• Fear or difficulty to undergo gynecological examination
• Tendency to avoid sexual contact
• Tendency to quarrel with the husband during the evenings for no reason
• Unconsummated marriage

How many women have fear of sexual intercourse?

Study conducted by Dr Promodus Institute in a group of 1372 cases of female sexual dysfunction in Kerala, South India, 78% had experienced fear of coitus at some point of time before or during their married life. Among these women most of them experienced the fear of sexual intercourse immediately after marriage. Nearly 30% could overcome the fear of sexual intercourse within the first two months of marriage. Another 11% recovered from the fear of sexual intercourse with sexuality education and counseling. Remaining 37% had to undergo a very systematic and structured sex therapy to come out of the fear of sexual intercourse.

Treatment: Among the female sexual problems fear of sexual intercourse is one of the most successfully treated conditions. As far as the treatment for the fear of sexual intercourse is concerned no medicines are effective. It is found that a few psychiatrists prescribe anxiolytics and antidepressants. But it hardly helps anyone. Counselling may help only about 10% of women with the fear of sexual intercourse. Traditional psychoanalytically oriented psychotherapies are not effective. The most effective form of treatment for the fear of sexual intercourse is sex therapy provided it is done by an expert in an ideal therapeutic atmosphere with individually tailored therapeutic strategies. At Dr Promodu’s Institute we have successfully treated 987 patients with fear of sexual intercourse so far.

A few Case Histories

1. The agony and ecstasy of a priceless gift (Now that is on August 27, 2017 this couple is blessed with two children)

Her eyes filled with tears of joy, Sery was most excited. Her son’s first birthday! Sery and Muthu with son Sefin dropped in to my consultation room on June 4th, driving all the way from Bangalore just to share this moment of immense happiness and gratitude.  My mind flashed back into memory lane. It was on a rainy day in June, Sery entered my consultation room with drooping eyes, emotionally dismayed and fumbling for words. Muthu feebly explained their pathetic history. Married on 21^st May 1993, they visited the institute 15 years later, on 18^th June 2008 with history of unconsummated marriage.

During the honeymoon days Muthu thought that it is but natural for any woman to have fear for sex. He waited a long…. almost two years before taking her to a doctor in Thalassery. Sery was obviously nervous and scared of the very thought of a doctor examining her genitalia. Doctor reportedly got annoyed as the attempt to do pelvic examination was futile. They didn’t go for further check up thereafter. About 9 months later, consulted another gynecologist who also didn’t succeed. Then the doctor examined her under general anesthesia and told Muthu that “Sery is perfectly normal, she doesn’t have any physical abnormalities, but suffering from anxiety and fear. It is a psychiatric problem. Probably a good psychiatrist may be able to help”. Being reluctant to consult a psychiatrist, they met a self proclaimed hypnotherapist and underwent hypnosis. But the result was disappointing. Then they consulted a professor of psychiatry who unsuccessfully treated with medicines for nearly six months. As a last resort a narcoanalysis was performed that did not reveal anything special. The doctor reportedly advised the husband “She is under sedation, probably you can try now”. Muthu found his loved one fast asleep and could not get any mood to try. Psychiatric treatment ended there. Deeply doomed by a series of failures, Sery thought of ending her life, requested Muthu to divorce her so that he could proceed with a second marriage. Their mutual love was so deep that Muthu could not dream of such a step.

In 2005 they visited a counsellor, but had to give up soon when the counsellor misbehaved which further accentuated her plight. Six months later a family friend advised them to meet a religious person in Kuttipuram. One full night of black magic including whipping was done to drive the evil spirit out of her body. Her agony and misery were unparalleled.

It was in June 2008 another friend knowing their tragic story, suggested Muthu to consult at Dr. Promodu’s Institute after detailed enquiries. Thus they reached the hospital on 18^th June 2008. Within two days we finished our evaluation of the husband and wife by our team of specialists and arrived at the final diagnosis. Sery has been suffering from vaginismus, which is a condition characterized by severe fear of injury, bleeding or pain and resulting in spasm of muscles that surround the vagina causing occlusion of vaginal opening. In such cases, penile entry is either impossible or painful. This was her actual problem which went undiagnosed / untreated for 15 years. Though a treatment module was prepared specifically for this couple they couldn’t undergo the same as Muthu had to go abroad on the very next day. The couple came back in June 2009 and completed treatment which lasted for nearly three weeks.  Sery had a marvellous recovery. Their life turned a full circle and she began to enjoy the ecstasy, conceived in the normal way and delivered in June 2012. After 19 years long waiting, for Muthu and Sery it was the God’s most priceless gift.

Strange are the ways of God and medical science!!!

(Now that is on August 27, 2017 this couple is blessed with two children)

Case - 3 Feedback written by the patient

"We got married in a misty December. On that day, we were very happy. On the next day after marriage, we just tried to do intercourse. But, we got disappointed. We both are interested in foreplay. When the penis got inserted to my vagina, I just pulled back with making a loud sound. Then my husband again tried to insert penis with force. At that time, I screamed loudly and quarrelled with him. The same situations continued regularly at nights. Then, I discussed all these events with my family. They decided to consult me with a gynaecologist. But I refused the vaginal examination when consulted the doctor. There after consulted another gynaecologist, while the same situations happened again.  At last consulted another gynaecologist with my husband near his home.  Again the vaginal examination got failed. Then, the doctor discussed about Doctor Promodu’s Institute of Sexual and Marital Health Pvt. Ltd and gave us the details of the hospital to contact.

            We thus reached Dr. Promodu’s Institute and discussed with him about all the difficulties.  After discussion with us, we decided to take a treatment with 2-3 weeks duration. 5 months later, we joined here and started treatment.

            On the first day, I felt more anxious and fear, feeling depressed. But in the second day my anxiety and fear got reduced. Gradually, I felt more comfortable and enjoyed the sex therapy. Day by day, my fear got reduced and felt more confident in sex. Eventually I had a pleasant feeling during intercourse.

            Now, I am totally confident to have sex with my partner. Thanks to Dr. Promodu and staff for all the support and guidance as hitherto."
Anjana P.

Case 3. details in her own words (Now - 27.8.2016 - this couple got two children)

"Frankly speaking I was very upset when the Gynecologist from Laksmi hospital advised me to consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist. On the day of first consultation she had told me that the problem is due to my thick hymen and I would recover with an operation. Even after the operation we couldn’t have an intercourse. I was reluctant to consult the psychiatrist. Only due to the compulsion of my husband we met a psychiatrist. After taking his medicine I was feeling very tired and was sleeping the whole day. So I stopped it and consulted my gynecologist again. When we told that I couldn’t continue psychiatric medicines due to tiredness, she referred me to you. I was shivering when entered into your room but I was relieved when you told firmly that my problem can be treated and cured. Though I got a little confidence I was more worried as I knew that it is not a simple issue. My first marriage lasted for 9 years and 4 months till the death of husband in an accident in September 2010. Though we tried many times, all attempts were futile. I have decided not to go for a second marriage though all my relatives insisted for the same. At last I had to agree to see Mr. Suresh after listening to his stories from my aunt. I felt sympathy for Suresh, so I did not object. When he asked why I don’t have any children in my first marriage, I told him “I am fresh”. In fact I was aiming to give him a hint about my problem, I was ashamed to discuss more than this. But he couldn’t understand the meaning at that time. After marriage when I had severe fear and pain he shouted at me and slapped once. Many times we discussed about a divorce. But as it is a second marriage for both of us, we were not daring to talk it out. So we tried treatment at different hospitals. Out of desperation we thought of trying a last chance at your hospital. Now I cannot conceal my excitement having enjoyed sex for the first time in my life. I can never forget this day in my life. I told my husband “Today only I became a real wife”. When doctor promised that I will recover within 3 weeks I didn’t believe that.  We were skeptical about sex therapy also as we never knew what it is and what you are going to do. But I found that it was very soothing and reassuring experience. It is a wonder that I recovered and got discharged from the hospital on 18^th day. Now our sexual contact is successful and satisfactory for both of us.

After a decade of long suffering it is miracle only by God’s grace that I recovered and able to lead a normal life like any other woman. Thanks to God almighty and the Dr.  Promodu for saving our lives. I have been keeping it as a secret. You may think why I am wasting my time to write all these in detail when nobody like even to remember such experiences again. Because till arriving at Dr. Promodu’s Hospital I thought that I am the only one on earth suffering from such a misery. Now I realized that there are other people too. So I thought of sharing my experience, if it helps at least another one like me I am glad. May God bless to give relief to all those suffering like I had."

Padmapriya.