The Stress & Trauma
Everyone endures their fair share of sexual growing pains, but mine was especially agonizing and embarrassingly unique. My sexual difficulty made me feel inadequate and incompetent. It has been one of the most traumatic phases of my life, holding onto this embarrassing secret unable share my dilemma with anyone (not even my mother or sisters). I felt like a freak – felt guilty that I could not give my husband sexual pleasure. Not only did this put a lot of stress on our marriage, the desire to have a baby was the last straw which broke the camel’s back.
By April 2017, I was married for 3 years and 5 months and still nowhere close to been a mother. Getting pregnant was herculean task for me and that was because I was scared of SEX. Especially of penetration, the word itself was ample to drive me away. Though I did enjoy physical intimacy with my husband, when it came to actual penetration it was nothing but excruciating pain. With only my unfortunate and loving husband aware of my situation our dream and wish to be parents had hit a dead end. While the urge to complete the family was strong and our parents apprehensive to know why I was unable to conceive I was pressurised to consult an expert. I was petrified about the fact that I may need to seek medical attention to achieve this goal.
The Unsympathetic Doctors
My first ever visit to the gynaecologist and I told her I was unable to conceive and that was due to my fear of sexual interaction and what I exactly felt. I broke down to tears while explaining the pain I experience when my husband tried to penetrate. Her first reaction was “are you aware unconsummated marriages can one the reasons husband can file for a divorce”. I was shocked not aware how to even respond. I was wishing and hoping she would rather check me anatomically, than provide her legal point of view. Though she did check in the end by inserting one of her lubricated fingers in my vagina and confirming the hymen is broken. Hence confirming penis penetration is possible, and I will have to tolerate the pain and I will be fine. This first visit the gynaecologist was least helpful to me.
My second visit to another gynaecologist was when I developed symptoms of PCOD. During my visits for treatment of PCOD I explained to her again, my fear of sexual interaction and what I exactly felt. I broke down to tears again while explaining the pain I experience when my husband tried to penetrate. She explained many girls go through pain during their first sexual intercourse and it was normal. To make me more aware of my genital area she suggested I insert my finger into my vagina and when I am comfortable I can try inserting a brinjal. What a bizarre and weird solution she recommended was beyond my imagination. Though she treated by PCOD efficiently she was also least helpful when it came to sexual problem.
My third visit to another gynaecologist was the most unpleasant ever. When she was made aware of my problem all she did was the below :
- Yelled at me for been so childish. A 37 year old woman and saying sex was painful. According to her I had to endure the pain
- Yelled at me for not understanding that I was way past my child bearing age and was losing the precious little time I had left.
- Suggested I go in for IVF treatment immediately and gave me only 25% of chances
As all 3 visits to different gynaecologists not been fruitful and were the least helpful when it came to addressing my issue of FEAR of sexual intercourse. It was a dead end and not single ray of hope. I was feeling worse than ever before. I didn’t have a name for my disease or a shred of hope that I would ever enjoy a penis inside of me again.
I spent my nights laying awake in my bed feeling sorry for myself. All this increased my depression, had to quit my job, frequent fights with my husband, absolutely no interest is any sort of activity. I felt that I was being punished.
With only my husband aware of my issue and unable to seek any help from family or friends due to shame and humiliation I reached out GOD and begged him to show me the way.
The Self Realisation
.By April 2017 all I felt was disappointment, hopelessness and angry at myself. Unable to satisfy my husband sexually was the greatest disappointment followed by unable to conceive due to this fear of pain during sexual intercourse. Unable to analyse if the issue was anatomically or psychologically I was on the verge of killing myself when I stumbled upon an article on the web which explained about ‘a painful condition that affected millions of women across the globe’……..and there it was EUREKA………….. a medical terminology for my condition & it was VAGINISMUS.
The relief, the liberation, the answer, the support this one word gave me was equal to nothing I ever experienced before. Upon understanding what exactly are the causes or symptoms for this condition was. I started to search for doctors who treated this condition in India and there the first link which popped was Dr. Promodu’s Institute of Sexual & Marital Health. Oh….what a god sent answer.
The moment google popped up this institutes name I just felt all my prayers were answered and saw that small ray of hope.
After reading there were other women facing similar fears of pain during sexual intercourse just like me and Dr Promodu had treated them successfully, my husband and I were in Kochi to meet him on 24 April 2017.
During my first interaction with him, I poured my heart out; my fear of pain during sexual intercourse, my disappointment in not satisfying my husband sexually, my deep desire to be a mother. All he did listened to me patiently, which none of the gynaecologists had done previously. He responded ‘Give me 12-14 days and you will be treated’ and that was all the assurance I was looking for. He helped understand I was going through a condition which could be treated and there were hundreds of such similar cases. He explained in detail what VAGINISMUS the possible causes and symptoms. He answered all my questions, queries and doubts patiently. He explained I was absolutely fine, there was nothing wrong with me, but it was in my mind were all the fear was. Which none of the previous gynaecologists had even viewed from that perspective. He guaranteed that my husband & I will be able to enjoy sexual intercourse as normal couples. We were treated in their institute from18 Aug till 30 Aug 2017.
(I do not wish to go in depth of the treatment, but it was a wonderful soothing experience. Even I didn’t know each stage passed)
Happy, elated, ecstatic and confident as never before. For the first time ever I am not petrified of pain during sexual intercourse. I am confident I will be a mother in the near future, and all Thanks to Dr Promodu. I felt GOD had answered all my prayers and it was a divine intervention in directing me towards this wonderful and efficient institution for treating my problem.
Dr Promodu successfully and patiently treated me for my condition and my husband and I are returning a lot happier and more confident as ever before.
It takes courage for women to seek medical advice for Vaginismus. Most gynecologists don’t take these patients seriously, but it is worthwhile to examine it as a cause for infertility. The fact that many gynaecologists are clueless about this condition can just end up making a bad situation even worse. They will often pooh-pooh the woman’s concerns; or force her to subject herself to a painful, humiliating situations Many unsympathetic doctors will actually blame the woman for her problem.
But Dr Promodu is a pioneer in this field. His level of knowledge, his patience, his ability to understand the roots of the problem, his method of treatment, his integrity is highly appreciable. I wish I had consulted him much earlier. But nevertheless, my husband and I returning much happier and refreshed as never before. Thank you Dr Promodu, we pray to GOD he blesses you good health and happiness and may you reach great heights in your profession.
- Staff Knowledge 5/5
- Staff Co-operation 5/5
From the minute we checked in (which was way past midnight) to the minute we checked out the level of care, commitment and responsiveness I received from each and every member of staff is highly commendable.
Friendly, Professional, Prompt, Pleasant, Smiling staff.
- Cleanliness 5/5
- Integrity & Respect 5/5